Frequently Asked Questions About Writing Obituaries
Writing an obituary raises numerous questions, especially when you're doing it for the first time during an already stressful period. Families often struggle with what to include, how long it should be, whether humor is appropriate, and how to balance honesty with respect. These questions become even more complex when dealing with different family dynamics, unexpected deaths, or non-traditional life stories.
The answers to obituary questions aren't always straightforward because every situation is unique. What works for a 95-year-old grandmother who lived a traditional life might not work for a 42-year-old uncle who had a complicated past. Cultural expectations, religious traditions, publication venues, and family preferences all influence the right approach. This FAQ addresses the most common concerns with practical guidance based on current practices and real examples.
Whether you're writing for a funeral program, a newspaper, or an online memorial site, understanding the fundamentals helps you create a tribute that truly honors your loved one. These answers draw from established obituary conventions while acknowledging the growing trend toward personalization and creativity in modern death announcements.
What are some good obituary examples to follow?
Good obituary examples typically include the person's full name, age, date of death, surviving family members, career highlights, and funeral service details. They balance factual information with personal touches that capture the individual's personality and legacy. Look for examples published in major newspapers like The New York Times or The Washington Post, which maintain high editorial standards. The Pulitzer Prize-winning obituaries from these publications demonstrate how to weave biographical facts with meaningful anecdotes. Strong examples open with a clear death announcement, provide chronological life information without reading like a resume, acknowledge family relationships specifically by name, and close with service details and memorial contribution information. The best obituaries make you feel like you knew the person even if you never met them, using specific details rather than generic phrases.
How do you write an obituary for a family member?
Start with the person's name, age, and death date, then include biographical information, family survivors, accomplishments, and service arrangements. Keep the tone respectful while sharing meaningful details that honor their life and character. Begin by gathering information: birth certificate, marriage license, employment records, and family tree details. Interview other family members to collect stories and verify facts. Organize the information chronologically, starting with birth and moving through education, career, marriage, children, and retirement. Use specific examples rather than general statements—instead of 'she loved her grandchildren,' write 'she attended every one of her eight grandchildren's soccer games, even in the rain.' Include both the impressive accomplishments and the small quirks that made them unique. List survivors in order: spouse, children (with spouses), grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, then other relatives. Conclude with service information including date, time, location, and whether it's public or private.
What should be included in a basic obituary?
A basic obituary should include the deceased's full name, age, death date and location, immediate family members, a brief life summary, and funeral or memorial service information. Optional elements include charitable donation requests and personal anecdotes. The full name should include maiden name for women, typically formatted as 'Mary Ellen (Johnson) Smith.' Age at death is standard, though some families omit it for privacy. Death date and location establish the facts clearly. The life summary covers birthplace, education (especially college degrees), career highlights, military service, and community involvement. Family information lists survivors first, then predeceased family members, using a format like 'She is survived by her husband of 45 years, Robert Smith; three children, Jennifer Smith of Boston, Michael Smith (wife Sarah) of Portland, and David Smith of Seattle; and six grandchildren.' Service details include viewing/visitation times, funeral or memorial service date and location, burial information, and whether the service is private or open to the public. Many obituaries conclude with 'In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to...' followed by a specific charity.
Where can I find obituary templates and samples?
Obituary templates and samples are available through funeral homes, online obituary websites, newspaper websites, and memorial service providers. Many offer free examples organized by relationship, age, or style preferences. Legacy.com, the largest online obituary platform with over 70% of all U.S. obituaries, provides searchable archives where you can read thousands of real examples. Funeral homes typically provide template worksheets to help families organize information, and many have examples on their websites. Newspaper websites like Legacy.com partners (which include most major U.S. newspapers) offer both templates and published examples. The website Ever Loved provides free templates specifically organized by relationship—mother, father, sibling, spouse, grandparent. For creative or non-traditional examples, search news archives for viral obituaries that received media attention. Our homepage features curated examples across different styles and relationships to help you find the right approach for your situation.
How long should an obituary be?
Most newspaper obituaries run between 200 and 500 words, while online obituaries can be longer since they're not constrained by print space or per-line costs. Funeral program obituaries are typically shorter at 100-150 words due to space limitations in the printed bulletin. The length depends primarily on your budget if publishing in print, as newspapers charge per line (typically $10-$15 per line) or per word. A 300-word obituary might cost $300-$500 in a major city newspaper. Online-only obituaries through platforms like Legacy.com or funeral home websites often have no length restrictions and no additional cost beyond the basic posting fee. Consider your audience when deciding length: newspaper readers may prefer concise announcements, while online memorials allow for comprehensive life stories that distant relatives and friends can read at their leisure. Quality matters more than quantity—a well-written 250-word obituary with specific, meaningful details is better than a rambling 600-word version filled with generic phrases.
Is it appropriate to include cause of death in an obituary?
Including cause of death is a personal family decision with no universal rule. Historically, causes were rarely mentioned except for deaths in military service. Modern practice varies widely—some families include specific details, especially for long illnesses or to raise awareness about particular diseases. When someone dies from cancer after a long battle, families often mention it to explain their absence from public life and to direct memorial donations to relevant research organizations. Deaths from COVID-19 were frequently mentioned during the pandemic to provide context. However, many families choose privacy, particularly for suicides, overdoses, or other stigmatized causes, using phrases like 'died unexpectedly' or 'died suddenly' instead. Some mental health advocates argue that mentioning suicide openly helps reduce stigma and might encourage others to seek help, while others believe privacy protects the family and the deceased's memory. There's no wrong choice—consider your family's comfort level, the deceased's likely wishes, and whether mentioning the cause serves a purpose like disease awareness or explaining circumstances. You can explore different approaches in our about section where we discuss various obituary philosophies.
Can you write an obituary before someone dies?
Yes, and many people choose to write their own obituaries as part of end-of-life planning, particularly when facing terminal illness or simply wanting control over their final message. Pre-written obituaries ensure accuracy, spare grieving families a difficult task, and allow the deceased to share their perspective on their own life. Major newspapers maintain pre-written obituaries for notable public figures, updating them periodically—The New York Times reportedly has thousands of advance obituaries on file. For individuals, writing your own obituary is increasingly common and widely accepted. The practice gained mainstream visibility through viral self-written obituaries that were humorous or unusually candid. If you're writing your own, include all factual information (full name, birth date, parents' names, education, career, family members), but also share your values, what brought you joy, and how you hope to be remembered. Store the completed obituary with your will, advance directives, and other important documents, and tell your executor or a trusted family member where to find it. Some people update their self-written obituary every few years as their life circumstances change. This practice is particularly thoughtful if you have a complex family situation, want to ensure estranged relatives are handled appropriately, or have specific wishes about tone and content.
What's the difference between an obituary and a death notice?
A death notice is a brief, factual announcement of death typically submitted by funeral homes and published free or at low cost in newspapers, while an obituary is a longer, more detailed tribute that families write and pay to publish. Death notices usually contain just the essential facts: name, age, death date, and funeral service information, running 50-100 words. They follow a standard format with little variation and minimal personal detail. Obituaries, by contrast, are biographical narratives that celebrate the person's life, typically running 200-500 words and including birth information, education, career, family details, accomplishments, personal characteristics, and often anecdotes or quotes. Death notices cost significantly less—often $50-$100 compared to $200-$500 or more for obituaries in the same publication. Many families publish both: a free or low-cost death notice in multiple newspapers to ensure wide notification of the death and service details, and a full obituary in one primary newspaper or online platform where they can afford more space. Online memorial sites have blurred this distinction somewhat, as they often allow lengthy tributes at no additional cost beyond the basic posting fee, making full obituaries accessible to more families regardless of budget constraints.
| Feature | Death Notice | Full Obituary |
|---|---|---|
| Typical length | 50-100 words | 200-500 words |
| Cost in newspapers | $50-$100 | $200-$500+ |
| Content focus | Basic facts only | Life story and personality |
| Who writes it | Usually funeral home | Family members |
| Tone | Formal, standardized | Personal, varied |
| Publication frequency | Often in multiple papers | Usually one primary publication |